how to handle jealousy in a relationship

According to wikipedia:

“Jealousy is a secondary emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of presenting emotions such as anger, sadness, resentment and disgust. It is not to be confused with envy.”

Jealousy is a basic human emotion arising from the longing for another person's success, fame, riches or status. We all feel it at some point in our lives and it's normal. But, extensive jealousy may very well be caused by a deeply embedded anger against a person, society or even your own self. Excessive jealousy is often the result of low self-confidence and self-esteem about oneself. Socially, jealousy may mean a sensed threat to a harmonious relationship.

Jealousy can hurt a relationship if it becomes an obsession in which you do not trust your partner and feel that you have to watch their every move. Questioning them constantly about where they have been and who they have been with. Insinuating that they have done something wrong or have cheated. Calling them several times a day, having them carry a beeper, cell phone or the like so you can be in contact with them many times a day. Making assumptions that they are cheating can hurt the relationship.

Jealousy is not always harmful there is what they call healthy jealousy .In certain relationships, such as marriages, jealousy is natural, because partners tend to be possessive of each other. Ordinary envious reactions rearing it's not-so-ugly head is perfectly alright, as long as the persons involved make it all clear to each other. Learning how to cope with this type of jealousy is not difficult, because it's mild and occasional and doesn't need a lot of mind-training.

Destructive jealousy is definitely what you should do everything in your power to avoid. This  is when you frequently, intensely and irrationally jealous. Such uncontrollable jealousy is always harmful and should be eliminated and if to do so, first you must learn how to cope with jealousy.

Knowing the cause for jealousy in any situation is the first step towards overcoming such negative emotions. Your own insecurities and unresolved feelings are often the reasons for feeling jealousy towards another. You will have to follow self-confidence building exercises and techniques to overcome self-esteem issues.

If you are in a relationship and you think there's a threat to it from a third party, how sure are you about it? Could it just be the way you are seeing it? Perhaps, you are mistaken. Don't let your assumptions get in the way of a healthy relationship just because you feel jealous based on imagined problems.

Like in every situation where negative emotions get in the way of rational thinking, positive thinking helps. When jealousy burns, try thinking of better things. So, your colleague got a promotion and you feel envious because you think you deserved it better? Think of the bonus you got on Christmas last year or how fantastic it was to get that pay raise.

Get the perspective of a neutral party. If you are often behaving jealously, they will tell you, but only if you ask in all honesty. Knowing is half way to resolving, so get someone else's opinion.

Communication is always the key to resolving issues, so always find reassurance from people around you, if you feel like you are going overboard with jealousy. The best way to seek help is by talking about whatever that's bothering you and causing the problems.

Jealousy is generally the result of deeply embedded long-term issues, such as anger, anxiety, frustration and inadequacy. An inferiority complex or low self-esteem will make jealousy a front to vent out its wrath, so focus on eliminating all negative emotions.