11 biggest mistakes for parents who are Facebook friends with their kids

So your kids finally friended you on Facebook. Congratulations — you now have mind-blowing inside access to their online worlds. Now what? Step 1: Don't embarrass them! How? By avoiding the top 11 mistakes parents make on Facebook. Avoid them like the plague. You'll keep the peace with your tween or teen — and hopefully, your coveted friend status, too.  

1. Don't over-share. Do all 1,200 of your son's friends need to know that he still sucks his thumb at night or that he bombed his driving test? No and no! If you think a wall comment will embarrass your child, it will. If you don't have anything nice to say... hold back. Respect your children's privacy online and off. It shows them you care. It also teaches them to respect their own privacy.

2. Realize that everyone sees your comments.Tread lightly and always remember that all of your children's Facebook friends can view every single comment you oh-so-lovingly post on their walls. That includes their BFFs, classmates, and (potentially) employers and teachers. Communicating on Facebook is anything but a private affair.

3. Don't pry. It's okay to casually ask your kid how he's doing on his wall — but only once in a long while. Not every day or even every week, and certainly not every hour. I'm a 36-year-old mom of three, and it would even embarrass me if my parents bugged me too often on Facebook. Thankfully they don't, but that doesn't mean they don't stalk my wall anyway. (Ahem, mentioning my status updates during phone conversations is a dead giveaway.)  

4. Don't get too personal. Some topics are never okay to bring up on your teen's wall, like why the heck did they dump their significant other or if that fancy acne cream you bought them is clearing things up. Ask sensitive parent-child questions in person, in email, or via text or private Facebook message instead. Model the restraint you want them to have.   

Sometimes you'll get lucky, and the answers to your questions will already be on your child's wall anyway, thanks to status updates and Place check-ins flowing in every two minutes. 

5. Don't tag your child in photos. Not even the adorable brace-face ones — at least not without asking if it's okay first. Save those gems for Awkward Family Photos! Er, we mean, skip tagging altogether, and give tweens and teens a chance to forge their own identity online. Each pic you tag with her name — even those drooly baby pics — automagically appears in their profiles. Besides, you don't want anyone to snag those precious baby photos and then pretend your kid is theirs. 

6. Never assume your kid can chat just because he or she is logged in. If your daughter doesn't reply to your Facebook chat request right away, she either forgot to log out, stepped away from the laptop, or — brace yourself — might not even feel like chatting with you.

Try not to take it personally. All three of my teenaged babysitters prefer not to chat with their parents on Facebook (or anywhere online) at all, "like ever." Texts and Facetime do the trick, they say.  

7. Never, ever reply to comments for your kids. They cringe when you speak on their behalf in person. Why would you do it on Facebook? Even if you're dying to tell your daughter's friends that yes, she did get into Harvard, it's best to let your teen toot her own horn.   

8. Don't nag kids to do their chores. It's not cool to remind them to scrub the toilet, fold the laundry, or take care of just about any other task right there on their walls for everyone to see (and laugh at). You'll only tick kids off. And, more importantly, you'll waste precious time you could spend nagging them in person.  

9. Don't stalk their significant others. This starts with not friending said person in the first place. But if for some reason you are Facebook friends, don't comment on his or her wall. It mortifies your teen and makes you look meddlesome. However, that doesn't mean you can't peek around their Info page, though, hint, hint. 

10. Don't chide or punish them. "You're grounded, mister!" is probably the last comment any kid wants littering their wall. Sure, disciplining kids via Facebook makes them feel worse about whatever it is they did, but admonishing your kids in such a public way erodes their trust in you. You'll also miss out on a valuable opportunity to talk to them in person about their behavior and what they should do to make it right.

11. Don't Like too much. Don't Like every picture, status update, comment, or link your teen posts. In fact, don't Like much at all. Sure, everyone likes a virtual pat here and there, but don't go overboard — not when your future adults are forging their own identities online, and, like it or not, asserting their independence from you.

by Tecca, on Mon Oct 24, 2011 3:32pm PDT

The Four Secrets Of Optimism

Not only is life hard, it can unexpectedly become harder. One day we might be comfortably cruising along, and then suddenly it seems like everything is going wrong: Your marriage is in a shambles, or you’ve just discovered that you’re not as financially stable as you thought, or you suddenly lose a lover, friend, or family member. The world has changed. Everything seems ominous and uncertain.

That’s when you can fall into the trap of pessimism and negativity. It may seem like the natural thing to do given what you’re going through. How can we work on building a healthy and optimistic way of living when we’re overcome with pain, anxiety, and fear? But no matter how hard things become, there are ways to approach your situation that can make it less burdensome.

Here are four ways to stay positive when life gets you down:

Express Gratitude.  Be mindful about what you do have, whether it’s a fantastic friend or a wonderful partner. Try making a list of things you’re grateful for every night for two weeks. It can be even more powerful to express gratitude to someone who you feel truly thankful for. Write them a letter telling them how they have helped you. Additionally, try to cultivate a sense of gratitude in everyday life for things both major and minor. Thank that stranger who goes a little out of his way to hold the door open for you. Appreciating the good in the world can change the way you look at life.

Volunteer. Take your awareness outside of yourself and focus it on the wellbeing of others. This may not be possible if you’re in crisis mode, but it can be very helpful if you’re increasingly preoccupied by your own negative thoughts. Many studies have shown that community service and philanthropy are more satisfying over the long term than focusing on your problems. Try volunteering at your local library, homeless shelter or hospital.  You can become less focused on the bad stuff you’ve been dealing with—and even form a connection with others in the process.  

Notice the Good. It might seem nearly impossible to find the silver lining in a burdensome situation, but it can be helpful.  Maybe you’ve gone through some personal growth and change because of what’s happened, or you’ve become closer to someone.

Change Negative Self-Talk. It’s way too easy to think the same negative thoughts over and over again. However, you can learn to change this by doing some cognitive-behavioral therapy on yourself. When you notice yourself having a negative thought about yourself, replace it with a positive one. If you find yourself  thinking “It’s all my fault” or “I’m not good enough,” stop and remind yourself of how well you’ve been coping and how others appreciate you.

The bottom line on becoming and remaining optimistic: We can’t change what happens to us or to loved ones, but we can change how we react to it. And though that process may take some time, it’s worth it because of the joy and peace of mind optimism can bring.

by ThirdAge.com, on Fri Oct 7, 2011 8:58am PDT

6 Secrets to a Successful Long-Term Relationship

Strong relationships are like a really good conversation with someone you admire, trust and cherish – they are ever-changing, engaging, wonderfully rewarding and sometimes surprising. But in order to continue the conversation because you want to see what the person has to say next, you have to respect your significant other’s opinion even when you disagree with it.
And just like a good conversation, you need to work on keeping your end up too. You need to show attention and nurture the relationship constantly, just as you would nurture anything you value in life. You don’t just “get married” and that’s the end of it. Indeed, marriage is just the beginning of a long process of learning to openly and honestly communicate with another person in a respectful and caring manner. Here are some tips to live happily ever after…..
1. Compromise
Relationships are about not only taking, but also giving. If you find yourself not giving very much, or feeling resentful of how much you give and how little you receive back, you may be in an unequal relationship where one side is taking more than they are giving.
For instance, couples sometimes mistakenly believe that “love” will help them deal with any issue that comes up, and that if the other person truly loved you, they would just do as you ask. But people are independent with their own unique needs and personalities. Just because we found someone we want to spend our lives with doesn’t mean we give up our own identity in the process.
2. Communicate
Relationships live and die not by the sword, but by the amount of discussion. If two people can’t find a way to openly and honestly communicate their needs and feelings to one another, the relationship doesn’t stand much of a chance long-term. Couples must find a way to communicate regularly, openly, and directly.
This doesn’t mean waiting for an argument to tell your significant other how much he bothers you with his throwing his clothes on the floor instead of the hamper. It means telling him when you feel the need to, and to do so in a manner that is respectful but assertive.
Different people have different areas of concern, but almost everyone values trust and honesty from their partner above all. Why? Because your partner is the one person you want to be able to depend upon in the long-term, without question or doubt.
Little things where your significant other hasn’t been completely honest shouldn’t be blown out of proportion, because virtually everybody tells little white lies (especially when one is dating). Focus instead on the big things, like if they say they’re a lawyer and you discover they’ve never even passed the bar, or they say they like kids but later on insist on never having one.
3. Have some fun together
Sometimes, long-term relationships can seem to be all about sacrifice. Working hard for the mortgage, the household chores, and the kids can really create a strain. Take some time out at least once a week to do something enjoyable together. Have some laughs with each other and remind yourselves why you fell in love in the first place.
4. Give the other person some space
If you try to impose your own values, schedule, and priorities on your partner, they'll start to feel as if you're trying to own their life. Give them some freedom to do what they want to. Let them go out with friends, have some quiet time alone, and some space in the household to do with as they please. Someone who feels suffocated will soon fight their way out of the situation that's doing it to them.
 5. Forgive Quickly
There is absolutely, positively zero chance that a long, successful relationship is going to be 100% free of mistakes having been made over the long haul. Hell…over the short haul, either, for that matter. And when they happen, just let it go.
6. Never Compare Your Partner to Others
Make your partner the apple of your eye.